Doubt...

Lost, endlessly dwells into oblivion,

Darkness, covers the horizon,

Cold, beneath this flesh it cuts,

Hope, dimmed as there's none.

For the 3rd time this week, I have a freaking huge doubt on what am I doing here right now. Where the fuck does this route will take me? I can't see shit! I'm starting to feel afraid. I even don't have that motivational striving that I had before. Fuck is wrong with me huh? Follow the flow? I don't care about that shit anymore. I just can't stand the thinking of having shit all over me one day. (well, that would be disgusting). I'm guessing that I'm already lost somewhere, looking for something. I'm trying, but how much can this weak of a person can handle so much? A unmotivated guy like me, how would that end up?

Yes, I have things to do, like playing games, creating artworks, collecting things, and of course, studying. Well, the fact is I neglect the later part. Yes, I can't concentrate because I'm too afraid to just go around and to find out what my future holds! Isn't that fucked up?! I'm like a freaking paranoid guy? Am I? Am I thinking too much? Then, what a thinker supposed to do than think about shit that happens to his life, other than thinking about it... I just cannot stop thinking. I guess that's why I had a lot of migraine lately. Hmm. This is getting nowhere. Well, this will be my first real update then after a long silence. Goodnight folks. I hope tomorrow or whenever, I'll be up to par with the usual me. Later :(

I 'Revived'

Well, first of all, yes I did not post anything for several months! Well maybe more... Like you all care anyway so, what have I been doing all this time? Well truthfully, instead of rambling here, I did all my ramblings on my Facebook page. Wow, it really does looked like a diary now. I'm just neglecting all the blogging stuff just to get my head on a straight line again. People tend to do some shitty things when comes to their emotional. And my life ain't so far from that area as well. But I'm not gonna promise you that I'll write as often I do like the previous years. Well, you can see that I'm not that enthusiastic when writing on this blog but surely, I will update it as much as I can. And again, like you all care for a guy who just rambles and give some meaningless writings and poetry(to some maybe). But I guess this is just how this world works. People forget, and so such shit as repeating the history will be a common daily activities. Sorry... But it's kinda true if you're still wondering. Well later.

Empty – Guilty Crown PV

I am afraid, afraid of losing you,

so I tried, with my hands to protect you,

but the void between us is endless,

as my hands couldn’t reach your faith;

Alas my heart turns hollow, upon seeing you’ve gone,

taken while your tears shed, this blank paper of mine,

I dreamt and kept hearing your voice of songs,

as I’m searching with this devoid curse upon time;

All was gone but here left this single memento,

a memory when our hearts joined before the oblivion,

whilst I keep going, as these vacuous feelings grow,

for the truth of your heart, which lies barren;

Done to be regret, there you were staged before me,

by a persona, that bears infinite greed upon us,

lust were sprouted, devastated with denial and lies,

for we are none, believing that this would last;

As our dream burned down falling to the abyss,

we hold each other promising, letting our tears fall,

yet, here I am waiting, as empty as can be,

for you, my long love of my life.

Freed…

Within My Heart (4)

Once I was told, that the roses are red, and violets are blue, so much life wasted, to found nothing under those that were true. A poem which I find intrigued, as it found no answer except feeling of remorse. But why are these roses are coloured in blue, and why does these violets I see is red? As the colour drips down colouring the white pavement, I sigh. So I see, roses are blue, and violets are red, so much I believe if it's true, as so much blood spilled upon this flowers that bled. A sinister impression, but all was a dream that were to be just hallucinations. It kills for blood upon the shattered coloured flowers. For nothing was to be gain, as left was only animosity towards the live's that we lead.

Freed’s Heart... 

Within My Heart (3)

I was at fault, but you said it doesn't matter. Because you're the one that was falling. What else could I've done, but only grabbed your faith before the oblivion. But no matter how much I tried, I can't pull you up. I was deeply apologetic, but you just smile and loosen up. Why I said, as your's slipping, holding you as I might. You said I've done all I could, so there's no more to be done. You want to see the end of the bargain, so you sacrifice your life for your trust. I was the one to blame but you're the one who pays for it. You were falling and I was pinned. You were smiling and I was crying.

Freed’s Heart...

Within My Heart (2)...

I have used up all my energy. I barely can move all my fingers right now. I’m down on my knees, looking at my fellow friends’ flesh being cut off. Where am I? What I’m doing here? I looked down and saw both of my legs were pierced by two arrows. Such agony how it felt, but what am I to do as all I did was sitting there with tears. Clang! A broad sword falls beside me. Who is it? While suddenly I realize it was him; the dark lord. He grabbed my head with his arm. Lift my head up so that he can see me clearly. Those eyes; those cold dark eyes. I barely noticed it, the smile on that face. A smile that knows no sympathy. Abomination as what were other people said. But there I was looking with nothing but disgusted as he tore my heart out. The blood was warm to the touch. But all what’s left of the body was just cold. My hands sheaved and weaved. As such a simple life that was. And such a simple death that was. Why this does seemed so pointless? A soul for another, that’s what they said. How unfortunate that is to live such a short life.

Freed’s Heart…

A Thought...

A person’s heart is unpredictable when it comes to feelings. It becomes predictable when you show it out of its shell. This is the words from a loon. Say it’s not a loon but just some guy with a dark past. He walked past me and mumbles some words, by then he tripped beside me as I walked the opposite. Such fate was to be earned in such unpredictable manner, and so I helped him stand just so that I feel good to care. Out of curiosity he said, why did I ever help him whereas no other soul would reach out for him? I didn’t answer him and he gave me these words. It was awkward but all seems well. He stood and walked away and mumbles more words. Am I that predictable to start with or just that I’m too scared to open up my feelings. This is something I must find out soon, as my age doesn’t counts to be younger than now.

Freed