I'm not what I used to be. Well we all said that. But for me, the things I do now, is like a fucking nuisance. Living that is. Now you might think that I'm trying to kill myself here, but seriously, I tried that; have you ever tried drowning yourself, or tried to jump off the roof of a building? If you ever tried to do that, then you should know how that felt. It's freaking scary and hard!!!
I can't imagine how the hell people could even kill themselves. I can't. Because of that reason, I kept thinking and thinking... What kept me here? Well, I get depressed no doubt about it. Right, over thinking makes you want to kill yourself, wouldn't that be a fact? Kinda. So the whole process of the 'killing myself' incident was because I'm thinking too much, huh? Damn, that sucks.
Now that I'm trying to be stuck in this place doing nothing makes it even worse than it should. Yeah, I want to be in this shithole because there's nothing for me to give a fuck about. Hmm, when I think about that line reminds me how retarded I am right now. I could go get a job and live my days with happy simple life. But my mindset is so fucked up that I didn't even want to go eat outside; yeap, I'm being a shut-in. Fucking far away from the society.
Isn't there anything that can make me back to what it used to? Should I go see a psychiatrist? Is the life I'm running is too much for me to handle? Well maybe... Ugh, I'm out. For now.
